Feeling lonely
by BleachedSakura
Summary: "Just a nightmare, just a nightmare, just a..." he kept repeating to himself. Just another nightmare, another sleepless night. Kakashi knew that it wouldn't be the last and that, in the end, his nightmares were in fact the shattered reflections of his memories. Sequel to 'Saying thanks'. One-shot.


**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.**

**Full Summary: "Just a nightmare, just a nightmare, just a..." he kept repeating to himself. Just another nightmare, another sleepless night. Kakashi knew that it wouldn't be the last and that, in the end, his nightmares were in fact the shattered reflections of his memories. Sequel to 'Saying thanks'. One-shot.**

**Pairings: No pairings. Only deep heart-breaking scenes with lost loved ones.**

**Warnings: Character death. Spoilers?**

* * *

_We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone._

_- Orson Welles_

_Loneliness becomes an acid that eats away at you._  
_- Haruki Murakami_

_What is the opposite of two? A lonely me, a lonely you.  
– Richard Wilbur_

_._

_._

_._

_Step. Step. Step. Step. Step._

He was alone in the dark. He didn't know why nor where nor when. He just stood here, looking ahead, waiting. Why was he waiting?

_Step. Step. Step. Step._

Someone was walking towards couldn't discern the figure properly

His breathing stopped when the figure revealed itself.

Naruto.

Namikaze Uzumaki Naruto who looked so much like his father at the age of twenty, who wore the same style of clothing as the Fourth Hokage, who had whiskers on his cheeks and cerulean eyes that shone bright. That Naruto with his megawatt smile, tan skin, and loud voice that called him-

"Kakashi-sensei! See! See! I've perfected the ninth seal!"

Kakashi licked his dry lips. "Tha- that's good."

The sixth hokage's grin brightened even more and he took a step towards his favorite teacher.

"I didn't break my promise."

But then he dropped dead. He just dropped dead, face-first on the wooden floor with a loud thud that shaked Kakashi to the core. Yet he could only stare at the still form of his student.

But then, the scene changed form.

Sensei.

Namikaze Minato lying in his own pool of blood, with a crying baby to his chest. He was smiling, his eyes slowly losing light as he looked at his son.

"Wait for me, Kushina. I'm putting Naruto to sleep."

The scene changed again.

Obito.

Uchiha Obito crushed by a boulder, his life slowly fading. His last words before he- he- he-

"I wish I could've spent more time with everyone..."

Kakashi gasped.

Sasuke.

Uchiha Sasuke. Bloody and battered from his fight with Madara. A traitor who returned to the right side at the last moment to help them end the war. The first of team 7 to die.

"K-Ka-Kaka- cough-cough-cough..."

Kakashi clenched his fists, refusing to admit that what he saw was real. _Just a nightmare, __Just a nightmare, __Just a nightmare, __Just a nightmare, __Just a nightmare,_

"S-Sen...sei..."

___Just a nightmare, __Just a nightmare, __Just a nightmare, __Just a nightmare, __Justanightmare, __Justanightmare, __Justanightmare, __Justanightmare,_

"I-I- coug-cough-cough- Kak...kash...i...se...nsei..."

_Justanightmare, __Justanightmare, __Justanightmare, __Justanightmare, __Justanightmare, __Justanightmare,__Justanightmare,__Justanightmare,__Justanightmare,__Justanightmare, Justanight-_

"I'm...so...rry..."

_Screw it all._

Kakashi reached out to the suffering boy with his hand, intending to do everything in his might to save him, when suddenly, Rin appeared in front of him.

Rin, with his arm through her chest, through her heart. Her usually warm brown eyes, terrified and accusing, as she coughed out blood. The sickening gurgle of the blood she was shedding building up.

"Ka...kashi..."

"R- Rin."

She swayed on her feet, threatening to fall at any moment. If he remembered correctly, she would have fallen on her back and a pool of blood would be forming beneath her. He gulped.

To his utter horror she fell in his arms while changing in the last person he wanted to see in this dream. Rin's short brown hair became longer and lighter in color, her skin paler and her practical ninja clothes changed in a kimono.

Her head lolled back and Kakashi saw her green eyes, wide open and staring at something nobody could see. Her mouth was slightly opened in a small 'o'. And that cursed red ribbon around her neck. That red ribbon that symbolized friendship and eternity but ended up suffocating her.

A mission gone wrong.

Kakashi's knees buckled under the weight.

His weight.

Haruno Sakura's weight.

The weight of all their deaths.

The weight of this impossible mission.

The weight of his faults, his weaknesses, his _life_.

"Sakura, why did you leave too?" he whispered pleadingly.

He got no response. Only silence. Silence that told him it was his fault. His fault that they all died. If he were stronger, faster, kinder, braver then they wouldn't be dead. It was his fault and now he was alone.

That's when Kakashi lost it.

He screamed and screamed and screamed.

And not for the first time, he wished to go back to that day, years, many years ago. That beautiful day that smelled like Team Minato and had a young, innocent Team 7. That wonderful day where the future seemed bright and welcoming and just superb.

That blessed day where Naruto talked loudly about anything and everything while exclaiming his beliefs and dream to anyone who wanted to hear.

_"I'm going to become Hokage, believe it! Yeah, and then I'll declare that Ramen must be eaten at least two times a day and everyone will acknowledge me! I'll be the strongest and there will be no orphans anymore!"_

That glorious day when Sasuke for once stayed with them, looking on with a cocky smirk as his two teammates -friends- playfully bickered.

_"Hn. Dobe, Sakura, quiet down. You're attracting attention. Sensei, put that awful book away. You're worse that those two idiots. No Sakura, I don't care what you two are doing tonight. I have to train."_

That sainted day as Sakura twirled and giggled and flirted and teased without a care in the world.

_"Hey, Sasuke, want yo go eat Ramen with me? But it's okay if you don't wa- Naruto! What are you doing up in that tree?! Kakashi-sensei, see I have perfected my equilibrium like you told me to! Are you proud?"_

That same day where he didn't feel so broken, so sad and so, so alone in the world.

_To be depressed is to be lonely; to have a friend is to be happy._

_The most terrible poverty is loneliness, and the feeling of being unloved._  
_- Mother Teresa_

.

.

.

He woke up with a start, gasping and looking around frantically. After finally having calmed down after seeing that he was in his room, Kakashi forced himself to take a deep breath and close his eyes.

_Shining pink hair_

_Twinkling blue eyes_

_Diamond forehead symbol_

He snapped his eyes open and sat up, the damp, white sheets sliding to his waist. He rubbed his face with one hand, sighing. Just a nightmare. Just another nightmare, another sleepless night. It was just that. Nothing new. He knew that it wouldn't be the last.

_Wide fox grin_

_Sharingan_

_Orange jumpsuit_

Taking a shaky breath, he noticed, that during his dream, he had broken into cold sweat. He began feeling disgusted with himself, and wanted nothing more than go die in a hole. He was tired of his life.

_Purple rectangle tatoes_

_Goggles_

_Fluffy blond hair_

This life where he could not find peace anymore.

_Leaf headband_

_Kunai_

_Hiraishin_

He stared blankly into space, lost in distant memories. Both painful and happy ones. And after much thinking, remembering and musing, Kakashi came to a conclusion. He knew where this was going, he knew what was going to happen if someone didn't stop him. He spoke out loud, knowing that nobody would hear his plead, yet finding that it must be done, if only to fill in the heavy, stifling silence of the night. He spoke out loud and clear, dearly hoping that someone would hear him and help him out of this insanity.

_Gloves_

_Sword_

_Medical pouch_

"I'm lonely. I'm breaking. Somebody save me."

.

.

.

_The night can be a dreadful time for lonely people once their loneliness has started._  
_- Ernest Hemingway_

_The worst thing about loneliness is that it brings one face to face with oneself._  
_- Mary Balogh_

_Loneliness is the first thing which God's eye named not good.  
- John Milton_


End file.
